I remember helping Grandma hang clothes out to dry in this backyard. I remember Grandpa setting up a badminton set, and my sisters and I gamefully trying to hit the birdie. I remember Grandma teaching me to sing those old Croatian songs she loved so well, and Grandpa letting me stand on his toes as he taught me to dance to them.
I have several very happy memories from my childhood, and I promise to do my best to post them here, so this blog does not become filled with gloom, despair, and agony on me – woe!
I didn’t meet my real grandparents until I was in my late 20’s, but thankfully, these two wonderful people (who were the parents of my mother’s third husband) stepped up to the plate and treated me and my sisters like their own ever since I met them when I was 11 years old. Grandma taught us to bake apple strudel; Grandpa taught us to fish and play pool; and they both taught us the importance of family gatherings around the table, with cards and popcorn and plenty of laughter.
I am simply grateful for the love and influence of these two good souls in my life, who have now joined the angels. I love you Grandma and Grandpa.
This blog, Erase and Start Over, covers topics that can be a little tough to take. If you have PTSD or other mental health conditions, please consider carefully before reading my blog. There will be triggers.
I am a middle-aged single parent who has been successfully managing PTSD and severe depression. I can hardly believe my own story about how I got here, especially the resurfacing memories that have appeared decades after they happened. This blog is my place to talk about it as honestly and frankly as possible, given my own doubts about my memory.
I have been kidnapped by a parent, beaten, and raped by the time I was 10. Went to five elementary schools. Was beaten and sexually assaulted over the years until I was 25, when my first marriage ended with me in the hospital and him in jail. I know hunger. I know poverty. I know the fear of not being able to keep your child safe, fed, and clothed. I know bankruptcy. I've worked as a stripper and as a legislative analyst and everything in between.
I have also known incredible joy and empowerment, heart-filling gratitude, centered peace, and much love. Through it all, the one truth that has helped me rise from the valleys is the knowledge that I can always:
Borrón y cuenta nueva.
Erase and start over.
Erase and Start Over 